One of the students I'm closest to at Century is Courtney, the current president of the Q&S Club I advise. This morning, I was on campus at 7:40 to pick up Courtney and possibly another student in order to drive them to the Minnesota OUT! Campus Conference in Mankato.
After waiting almost 20 minutes for the uncharacteristically tardy Courtney, I called her cell and got her sister: Courtney wouldn't be attending the conference because her father'd died that morning. Courtney had gone in to wake him for a ride to campus and found him.
I'm devastated. I'd met him once -- he'd tried to hand me a $20 for gas money when I drove Courtney home from Pride this June -- and he was a kind, odd man. The two of them lived together, and I can't even imagine how Courtney is going to cope. Her family is fragmented, so I just can't imagine. And I have so little knowledge of how to act in this kind of situation.
Evacuation roots
5 hours ago
2 comments:
This is a hard situation... having been in the position of losing both my father and only sibling, there are a few things you can do...
1) Call Courtney in the next day or two. Tell her you know about her father's death and that you'd like to help her by contacting her instructors on her behalf. Get the list of people you'll need to contact If the e-mail comes from you, she'll get less BS... and since you are an instructor at Century, it isn't a FERPA violation for them to talk to you if necessary... Write a brief e-mail to the instructors as a group, CCing Courtney so she'll get their responses.
Also, gather general information about incompletes and other college administrivia that can help --- perhaps the procedure for a late drop vs. a withdrawl so she can get tuition back etc... Just hold that info until she has a better idea as to when she can come back to school etc.. She may or may not be able to concentrate and it might be that the routine of school work will keep her distracted long enough to process his death.
On the other hand, since she lived with him, she might need to take incompletes and deal with moving etc... you can help her negotiate all of that. She's going to need someone with knowledge of how these things work to help her, and you are in a unique position to do so.
2) Go to the funeral. Funerals are for the living and you are concerned about Courtney. Bring her friends from Q & S. Just seeing you there will help.
3) Make those 'just checking in with you' phone calls -- make specific suggestions as to what you can do for her -- does she have kids? Offer to babysit so she can run errands. If she's dealing with all of her father's stuff, offer to bring lunch over and help her sort things out. It isn't easy to do, but since you weren't close to him you can be objective about what could go to consignment, Goodwill or in the trash. If you have friends who could give her good professional financial or legal advice, pass along their phone numbers -- she'll be dealing with his estate and a lot of BS goes with it.
The thing is, the death of a parent while in school is hard, but not impossible. Having someone around to give general life advice is really helpful -- and you are good at being optimistic and encouraging, while helping to sort out real challenges. Just sticking with her will help her a lot --if you are close enough to her to be doing local travel to conferences, you are in a prime position to help in ways she won't necessarily know she needs.
Oh, thank you Philofact: this advice is so practical and what I need. So much of it I'd never thought of, although I've already emailed a couple of the folks at Century that I know she worked for . . . .
I'll keep folks posted.
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